What is it that keeps people from living
their lives and pursuing their dreams? What is the
element that causes so much anxiety and feelings of
failure in people all over the world? By the title of
this column you have probably figured out that it is
fear. Fear can be an ugly word that holds connotations
of the worst that life has to offer. But what is it that
we really fear? Pain. We all want to avoid pain in our
lives. We want to feel good and skip the bad altogether,
so we avoid pain by throwing different situations into
the fear pile. Whether we group it as fear of physical
injury, humiliation, loss of money, or loss of time, the
truth is that we are just trying to avoid pain. We are
afraid to do certain things because the results of those
actions will be very painful to us. So how can we get
past this fear?
The first step in
achievement of any goal is honesty. This is true in
martial arts or learning to play the piano. Before we
start on the journey of self-improvement, and during
that journey, it is vital that we occasionally take the
time for introspection and self-analysis. This means
taking a good long look in the mirror to take note of
where you really are right now, and determine how you
are going to get to where you want to go. For example,
let's say that you are taking martial arts, and you
decided that you want to be a complete martial artist.
You took the time to check your progress in the
different areas of conflict, and you determined that
your greatest weakness was in groundfighting. You aren't
totally helpless, as you know a few techniques on the
ground, but you have seen enough no holds barred
competitions to realize that you have serious
limitations in that range. Great. You were honest enough
with yourself to find a limitation in your training, and
have decided to get some training to improve yourself.
Time goes by, and one
day you notice that you have not taken any steps toward
actually starting your training. This is strange, since
you were pretty excited about the thought of becoming a
good groundfighter. In truth, you didn't even take the
time to look for a school. As you think about it, you
notice that you are still hesitating. What is it that
keeps you from making a simple telephone call? It is our
constant nemesis, fear! You are avoiding taking action
towards your goal because somewhere inside of you,
possibly deep within your subconscious, you believe that
starting you groundfighting classes will be a painful
experience. This is where honesty comes in again. First
you must be honest with yourself about your weaknesses,
and second you must be honest about the fears associated
with overcoming the weakness. If you do not take this
step to recognize the fears, you will never be able to
take action and move towards your goal.
So you stop and think
about this logically. What are you afraid of? What could
it be? Are you afraid of the new environment? That
doesn't make sense. You find yourself in new
environments all the time. Maybe the training is
physically painful. It must hurt to have people putting
you in locks, and laying on top of you. But your current
training involves contact, so it can't be that. Let's
say that after some soul searching, you decide that it
is your ego that is keeping you from starting up. You
have been doing martial arts for quite a few years now,
and you enjoy the feeling of being one of the top
students at your school. Your real fear is that you
don't want to be humiliated. You are afraid that you
will look bad in front of all the students at the new
school. You are afraid to be a beginner because the
other students may laugh at you or make fun of your lack
of skill. You don't like being humiliated, so something
within you has kept you from that environment. After
more thought, you decide that this is no way to live
your life. You do not want your life to be directed by
fear, so you decide that you have to so something about
the situation.
Congratulations. You
have just done what very few will do in this life. You
took the time to honestly recognize your fears, and
decided that you want to overcome that fear. Now comes
the hard part. You must take the final step, and face
your fear. Identifying and deciding to do away with your
fear is easy compared to actually confronting the
situation that you are afraid of. This will require
courage and commitment. You must commit to going to the
class, and have the courage to follow through regardless
of how much anxiety you feel in the process. Remember
that courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability
to act even though you are fearful. Be courageous, face
your fears, and an amazing thing will happen.
Let's say that you made
the phone call, got the information, and went to that
first class. You walked into the small school that was
basically a wrestling mat and a phone. You see students
in a sweaty, tangled knot of arms, legs, and uniforms.
You realize at this point that you really know nothing
at all about this groundfighting. It is worse than you
thought! Your heart is pounding and you are looking for
a way to leave when the instructor approaches you. He
greets you with a smile and a handshake and invites you
to get changed and try your first class. Even though you
have your workout bag in your hand, you hear yourself
say that you just came to watch. Boy, that fear has some
power! It spoke up for you! The instructor kindly coaxes
you to just try, and that you will have fun. It is
difficult to say no, so you walk to the bathroom to
change. You do so, but very slowly, somehow hoping that
you will be late for the class and that you can just sit
and observe.
You finally emerge from
your temporary sanctuary to see that the room has been
filled with even more students. What will they think of
me? Will I have to spar? Are they all out to get the new
guy? You have not started your warm-ups, but the sweat
is already trickling down your forehead. Class starts,
you do the calisthenics, and immediately begin to feel
better. I can do this part, you tell yourself. The
instructor goes into a technique, which for you is
complicated. Again, you feel the fear that you will look
bad because you don't understand what the instructor
wants you to do. He tells the students to pair up, and
then brings a student to work with you. The instructor
says to start just with the position, and forget the
armbar. You work through class, and become lost in the
learning process. You do some sparring at the end of
class, and even though you were pretty much helpless,
your partner gave you some tips and you now understand
the game even better. With class over, you feel great
that you have learned many things that you never knew
about before. You have faced your fears, and feel a
great relief with the knowledge that you are now
progressing towards your goal, and you are enjoying it!
So what took so long to
try the class? Fear, right? Yes, but if we look a little
deeper, we will have a better insight into the fear
process, and will be able to short-circuit it more
easily. Remember that what we call fear is the
association of a great deal of pain with an action or
situation. If you are avoiding something, it is because
you are afraid of it, which means that you somehow
associate pain with that situation. There are two ways
that we associate pain with different situations. One is
through a painful experience that we have had in the
past in a similar situation, and the second is through
imagination. We often imagine the pain without even
having experience with the situation, and create a fear
that stifles our ability to act. This is a good thing in
the proper situation. You should be afraid of jumping
off of a tall building, even though you have never done
this before. The problem is that we can imagine all
sorts of negative scenarios about any situation. If we
focus on the negative rather than the positive, we will
become slaves to the evil master named fear. After
facing your fears, you will probably wonder why you were
so afraid in the first place. In the case of the
groundfighting school, thousands of people train on the
mat every day, so it can't be that bad. Look at your
fear logically, and it will diminish. Face your fears up
front and personal, and they will shrink substantially.
Be honest with
yourself. Recognize your weak points, and identify your
fears. Have the courage to face those fears, and you
will be unstoppable. Remember that most fears are just
negative visualization, and that changing that vision to
a positive one may be all you need to take steps towards
living the life you have always dreamed of living!